Haters

So I got an email from some self proclaimed "Blogger/Webmaster" at like 3am last night. The creeper must have been voiering around late night touching himself to pictures of peoples kids on family vacation when he came across my posts. RealTalk, this fuckin loser spends his saturday nights trolling around on Blogspot getting his tampon in a bunch when he finds something he doesn't agree with. Apparently he had a problem with me referring to gay men as "frilly homos''.. to which i replied "Look Bro, I don't go to Starbucks and smack the venti tumbler out your hands when when your spankin off a queer coworker to get that extra foam, so don't tell me how to run my shit!"

So the guys threatening to file a complaint.. in his words, "Report The Abuse Of My Webpage" unless I, "Immediately Cease And Desist" with my "Sexist, Gay Bashing, Racism". What a crock of shit...

Like for real bro.. What happened? It was late.. Your Orc Marford kept getting killed in the Catacombs so you finally shut down the WOW account for the first time in 36 hours? FoxNews was playing reruns of The Best Of Wolf Blitzer? Your moms was asleep so no one was around to make you a midnight snack? So you gotta seek entertainment threw being a little overly sensitive bitch and spreading your douche-baggery and bullshit ideals across the web? Who makes it their personal moral obligation to play police? Their life's mission to go around tattletaling on people voicing obviously sarcastic comical opinions for their own sense of self satisfaction?

Its like here comes BigBrother... and he woke up on the wrong side of the studio apartment! Someone must have diarrhea-d in his mocachino... because your having too much fun! And if BigBros got sand in his butthole then he's gonna try and rub some in yours too! And He'll take your toys and make threats and kick and scream to try and bring you down to his Faggy-Internet Savvy- Hipster [Webster] level.

So to the self important crybabies surfing the web with a chip on their shoulder... to you I make this simple suggestion... Stop sitting on your hand till it goes numb and masturbating with Icy Hot and go eat a fat bag of dicks! Because we all know your just a bunch of conservative cock suckers with nothing else better to do then piss on my parade.

Its not my fault your uncle used to make you star in his basement movies till you turned 14 and got too old...

Its not my fault everyone you've ever met hates your guts and thinks your a tool...

Its not my fault your cousin died in that freak snowmobile accident.. and I'm sorry but being a prick to me isn't going to get him back on his feet!

So no sir... I will not cease.. nor will I desist... Because getting these pussy ass crybabies that irritated has gotta be a good sign that I'm doing something right!

Jen Golding haha nice...the last post being particularly interesting

Chris DuPlayee BLOGSPOT IS HOT!!! KEEP IT BUBBLING...PAUSE

Kseniya Ignatova Eloquent... True. Terrible, lol

Marvin Odel Lambert good shit do work reggey

- Thanks for readin guys... Until next time, BlessBless...

[I Fear I May Risk Alienating My Female Counterparts With This One]

[Fuck It!]

[Just Remember Ladies... Its All In Good Fun...]

I love Beer... Does anyone else drink beer anymore?

[No you dont.. Stop lying...]

Its all those pink and purple Captain&Pomegranate CozmoTinis and shit. These mixed drinks now a days not only cost as much as a good 6pack of imports, but they taste like something a frilly homo that works at Jamba Juice would drink. Thats without mentioning the fact that their super strong, overly alcoholic concoctions specially designed to turn your Born Again Christian girlfriends into a Piss Drunk, Cock Craving, Slut Machines...

Which is what brings us to the term, "Girls Night Out". If your female ever tells you she's "Going out with the girls for drinks", simply Clear your throat, take a big deep breath ...and Scream at the top of you lungs, "Fucking Lier!!!" Tell the trick to Stop lying and just tell the truth... because we all know what she's gonna do.

"Your gonna drink half a LongIsland IcedTee, bum a cigarette and light it the wrong way, sing Ebony and Ivory with your token black friend at karaoke, and spend the rest of the night on your back, with a bunch of dudes i used to go to high school with and an HD FlipCam!"

And girls are the absolute worst because no matter what they wont admit to shit for months. But if and when the conniving skank does crack they always give you the same bullshit line, "I cant remember what happened!"

... Oh no worries sweetheart... Its all over the internet... I'll fill you in. There's an app for that! Trick Tracker! Slut Search!

Lopez Tonight

George Lopez is an unfunny hack with an over enlarged tortilla trap. He uses his racial background as a comedic crutch to get cheep, childish laughs from people of the same ethnicity with predictable punch lines. Just because your show is on at eleven O'clock and you wear a suit does not make you a late night host. Lopez Tonight airs on TBS... after six straight hours of Family Guy... nuff said...

Get off Tiger's dick and back the fuck off the Lowrider song. We get it George.. you like your food grilled in tinfoil. Congratulations sir, you have officially become the Jeff Foxworthy of brown people. That being said, i plead you Mr. Lopez.. Sit down and Shut up before I personally fly out to LA and hack your kneecap with a pinata stick!

Fuckin Tool...

Democrats & HipHop

New school Democrats are a lot like old school HipHop... repetitive and nobody wants to hear that shit anymore. Their the house majority.. that being said its time to stop the bitchin and do some work. Four years fly by fast as hell when your constantly crying like a prepubescent girl with a skinned knee.

"Bush fucked everything up... and now my vagina so irritated all i can do is complain!"

You guys stay talking shit on him, but the truth of the matter is we have yet to reform any of the old policies... and I'm not blaming Obama. This aint Pimp My Ride! We didn't elect Mr. X to the Z Xzibit. Hand em are busted ass AMC Gremlin of a country and he gives it back a week later with a new coat of paint and little plasma screen TVs shoved into every nook and cranny of the American landscape... all the city buses got 40inch deep-dish Parellis spinnin as president Xzibit pops the blue collar of all the hard working middle class American families that can no longer afford the insurance on their post pimped property...

"You have officially been Pimped!"

Aliens

In the past hundred years or so, over 2 million americans have claimed that they were abducted by aliens... and thats a lot of people... which leads me to question why you extraterrestrial bastards keep bringing the Rednecks back? On the real, these guys cause us enough trouble without ET probing their cornholes for a sensual weekend then just dumping them back in the trailer park like nothing happened..

"mmmI Had A Nice Tiiimmmee... I'llll Phone Youuu...."

Imagine that... to the rest of the universe, are planet is nothing more then the set of a really bad alien dating reality television show... "Up Next On GLORP! The Extraterrestrial Entertainment Network... It's Analprobe A Homophobe! Followed By Cow Carcass Autopsy... space weather and news at 11..."

Cant stand the alien stuff.. its all just way to convent that none of these abducted in-bread retards ever got a video camera on them. For real, so its just this 'Good `ol Boy', kickin it with his fat old lady- drinking a Paps and Methadone smoothie... probably watching old VHS tapes of previously recorded Jerry Springer pay per view specials.. he almost swallows his Snuff Copenhagen when he belts out, "Holly Snipe Shit Baby!!! Did You See That?!?"

1. There's no windows on your doublewide trailer...
2. Im sorry but BillyBob-Jimbo-Wade-Hunter-...Smith, is not the most accredited source this side of the NathanDickson.

"I gotta go Investergate! ..and if what I find just so happens to be the most Amazerin discovery in existence... well, yall are just gonna have to take my goddamn word for it!"

Why don't we just give the fuckin goof ball a lie detector test? And don't be giving me that money shit.. because this is a real important subject.. the likes of which could change the very way we think act, and live... and my man Maurys makin it rain with the results! Im almost positive MoPo would hook it up... Flying saucers Giant triangles, my dude would be swabbin Ancient astronauts DNA, have em paying child support to some nasty latino bitch from Jersey City, like- "You Are the Father!"

Tough Times & Things To Remember

In these tough, tragic times I think its important for us to all gather together, to commune at this place we call the internet.. so we can bitch and moan about how bad we got it...

1. The economy has been raped and plundered by a bunch of nerdy sociopaths [three years into it and we just said 'screw it! I aint no economist!']...
2. the only job in the country is working for the Twenty-Ten census...
3. there's even more pedophiles in the catholic church then we thought...
4. the young hip black guy we all voted for doesn't actually have superpowers like we were all led to believe...
5. Rush Limbaugh refuses to die [gotta hook em up with Jackson's pharmacist] and even when he does take his last breath and utters his last racial slur his son Glen is just gonna take his place...
6. its impossible to find a pair of jeans in this city that don't either make you look like a flaming homosexual or a wanna be gangbanger...
7. HipHop turned softer then a bowl of mint chocolate chip in the Sahara [auto-tune]...
8. in a world of discount lasik eye surgery we're still as blind as Mr. Magoo...
9. we're all stuck like a dick trapped in the water jet of a Hot Tub Time Machine...
10. your personal financial value is worth more as a corpse than as an employee...