Book Store Bonanza

So im at the bookstore the other day... you know just stalkin around the romantic novel section, scopin out the Cougars and Gmilfs... Goddamn we got some sexy 40 and up cutie pies now-a-days! Oh yes fellas! Their out and about in the early afternoon; Pottery Barn, AC more, Borders... Shakin that 80's ass, spendin up hubbies "CashMoneyyy"!!! Buyin books and nicknacks for the house and little projects to keep em occupied. So anyways I'm at the bookstore, doin what I do. Pretending to skim over the spines, but its pretty obvious I'm not lookin for a paperback... No sir, I'm lookin for a nice fat-backed middle aged divorcee that'll give me shoulder rubs and make me breakfast in bed at noon... Clip my toenails and call me Big Reggie... And I got one in the crosshairs!

So i guess in seeing this some little cockblockin fruit fly comes buzzin up, pokes me on the shoulder, and goes "~Excuse me sir? Can I help you find something~?" And it just totally caught me off guard, this guys HomoErotic accent lisping out thicker then molasses, that by the time I turned back around my BiggityBomb-SingleMom was nowhere to be found. And I'm pretty heated by my Little Gray That Got Away, so i turn to the guy and go, "Yeah buddy as a matter of a fact you can... I've been lookin all over the place... and I must be blind... You guys wouldn't happen to have a section on, really really hardcore interracial pornography would you? And I'm not just talkin White girl Black guy... I'm talkin about that really dark stuff! like two Chinese guys doubling up on a dirty overweight latino chick thats talkin shit the whole time like, 'Come on you little yellow motherfuckers! I can take it!'"

Needless to say, for a guy that sticks things in his butthole, he looked at me like I was battshit crazy before asking me to leave. But on the ride home it really got me thinking... What if I was dead serious? RealTalk... what if i was perusing around Barnes&Noble for like a half hour before i finally realized, they dont sell porn.. I'd be a little salty! Like, "Umm Excuse me sir.. yeah wheres your section on FFM Basement Bondage? ...Whoo Whoo, what do you mean smut? Ok I'm gonna have to have a word with your manager... This is just unacceptable..."

Not even a book on tape audio erotica section in the back! Da Fuck!? No wonder why no ones kids can read... To hell with education reform, we need Porn Reform!!! I guarantee if we got em when they were young... Make some popup books where you open em up and its some skank spreadin her knees, the number of illiterate inner city kids in public schools would drop dramatically!

AnyWays... where was i goin with this... oh yeah, 80's ass! Where did you go? After 94 you vanished from playboys and television, and i miss you... You were plumper, and longer, and i dont know what they were puttin in the water back then but we gotta reinstate that one ASAP! Because the 80's ass is an endangered species.. you get lucky and see one every once in a blue moon on a sexy 40 year old that takes care of it... keeps up on the maintenance and still wears a pants suit. But on the real, there just aren't enough to go around anymore... and something must be done!